Heads are rolling

What does a 74-year ‘old’ man have to do with the security of the country? Nothing. But by the time this anwer was arrived to, a 1000 Indians had fallen prey to the bombs and bullets that were pointed at them by the terrorists, who were passively backed by the UPA especially their allies like PDP, the Muslim League and of course the famous terrorist Amar Singh (who bought a few MPs in July, when Singh was King). After the events of last week, obviously one of easiest people to bear the blame would have been the castrated (which is essentially the lack of balls) Shivraj Patil who happened to be the pet dog for the Italian madam (Italy did give us the famous Mafia, and now Sonia’s their Indian lead). Down south (well not all the way down here), the Maharashtra CM (more famously known as the father of a loser actor, Ritesh Deshmukh) too tended his resignation after his deputy, RR Patil (a relative of the President perhaps, and why did she not cut short her foreign holiday?) did the same earlier. It was this same Patil guy who quoted after the Mumbai attack that such small events do occur in large cities. His lack of a even a rudimentary brain could never have been more apparent, as this ’small incident’ did take near 200 lives. But then again asses were never known for their intelligence. Coincidentally, it brings us to the point that to be a politician, and specifically a Congressman, there are a few criteria:

1. Must show behaviour similar to a canine.
2. Must have lost brains in a ’small incident’.
3. Think ‘Sabhi Pakistani hamara bhai hai’.
4. Pray in front of Sonia’s photo 5 times a day.
5. Bray like a donkey after every terror strike.
6. Call a sword, a cucumber.
7. Lack of balls.
8. Be old enough to rot in a grave.
9. Should be able to fit under the Sari of Sonia.
10. Should state categorically that Rahul Gandhi is the future PM of India.
11. Should show huge concern for the state of Pakistan
12. Should hate Indians.
13. Do the weekly pilgrimage to 10 Janpat, Delhi (the Congress HQ).
14. Shouldn’t be human (refer points 1,2,5), or have human emotions including empathy and love for a fellow human being.
15. Should wear white to hide all the black inside.
16. Both their tails and tags should wag endlessly.
17. Promote terrorism as a vote generating scheme.

These are just a few characteristics of the various Congressmen, India has seen in the past and present, though many of these attributes do hold true to the Communists where the only difference is instead of Sonia, it’s Mao’s and the Hu’s in land of the red.

Another incident of note has to be the action of the father of slain Malayali commando Sandeep Unnikrishnan, who literally abused the Kerala CM and Home Minister as dogs and told them in strong works to get the f*&k out of his house, and the media duly broadcast it over and over again. This was just days after the wife of a cop killed in Mumbai said something similar to Modi’s offer. This is something to write about since after every other week the country gets a new martyr, the politicians (the Congressmen mostly), hog the media at the funerals and the family members remain mute. So finally someone’s spoken out. I salute the words of the bereaved father and believe that these men in khadar are pigs who surely need to get much more verbal and physical abuse from the common man. The fact that the home minister of Kerala is the single biggest goonda in state just makes it even more newsworthy.

With Shivraj Patil, the Congress yet again showed how weak they really are. With the senile man taking all ‘moral responsibility’, the Congress has in one move washed their filthy hands (which can never be cleansed, remember Bofors or any of the several thousand ’small incidents’?) What was needed was the entire UPA take blame, the PM, Sonia and Shivraj Patil be tried in court for the murder of all the innocent people they let the terrorists kill. They would have to be hung to death repeatedly for justice to be served. But then this is India, where the one’s in power don’t have to shoulder the responsibility (here with great power comes lots of money, not responsibility).The real terrorists are the people who let terrorists terrorize us. They are the same politicians who come into power just to corrupt the nation even more.

Take a moment (even if it’s just a second) to pray for the brave men in uniform who do the thankless job of protecting this country.

Let’s Hug it Out. Bitch

The guys from Entourage

That’s Ari (who’s funnier than all 6 from ‘Friends’ combined) from season 2 of Entourage. Season 5 has just wrapped up and I keep wanting more. Can’t remember the time I was so hooked onto a TV show. Let’s see 5 seasons straight is not anything new by my long TV watching standards. I’ve even watched Smallville for 6 seasons, for what it was worth, the producers of the teen Superman series is now in straight competition with the creators of the gazillion Malayalam soap operas that make watching TV impossible in Kerala households after 5 in the evening, atleast in those with just one TV set, even if it’s a cricket match. Coming back to Entourage, as any faithful fan, I too downloaded the final season on the fifth season as soon as it was put up online and watched it over breakfast today. Sadly until next summer, ‘Return to Queens Boulevard’ will be the last Entourage episode. Guess, I’ll just have to watch the previous ones on DVD again. And it was the best episode of season 5 too, a bit of drama (not Johny Drama) with the subtle comedy we’ve all grown to love. Yes, there are tons of people who loved ‘Friends’ but seriously, I was not a fan, but then for all those who’ve only watched that, they don’t know what they’ve been missing. Entourage is much more about friendship and being with your guys than ‘Friends’ ever was, and yes, all the actors in Friends were kinda dumb. Think about each of them, you’ll get my point. Yes, as always, I’ve again berated something a lot of people actually like, just because they don’t know better. Open your eyes (yes, it’s also a Snow Patrol Song).

The new Snow Patrol album ‘A Hundred Million Suns’ is a good listen, and the single Take back the City is another run of the mill song that grows on you, just like Chasing Cars. Listen to ‘Forgive Me’ by Leona Lewis (remember ‘Bleeding Love’ ?), in fact, watch the video, nice n hot in a cute kind of way video (yeah, its been repeatedly for hours now on my TV), and I can’t stop watching it! Also check out the new Wyclef Jean album, Memoirs of an Immigrant and  Dido’s single ‘Don’t Believe in Love’ from the album ‘Safe Trip Home’, two albums I’m currently listening to along with Tiesto’s In Search of Sunrise 7: Asia (especially the song ‘Reason to Believe’).

Did I mention anywhere I’ve moved into my new crib, and am living all alone by myself? Hence, too much TV, too much food (yes I can cook, and Google does throw up good recipes) and ofcourse my biggest vice (is it really?), Music!

Over the last week, I’ve been doing a small run down of George Lucas movies, and the Indy movies in particular. And seriously those movies are good old fashioned fun and action, quite good to watch too. Other than the trilogy of the 1980s Indy movies, I also saw the animated Star Wars: Clone Wars, which was nowhere near cool as the live action movies, but was still a good one time watch. But to get the laughing bone in top gear, catch ‘Pineapple Express’ with Seth Rogen (he’s the guy who ‘Knocked Up’ Katherine Heigl), James Franco (son of Green Goblin in Spidey 1, Green Goblin in Spidey 3 and ofcourse Peter Parker’s only friend), and Amber Heard. It’s another one of those stoner movies, with lots of weed, swearing, stupidity but comic all the same. Though not upto the standards of ‘Superbad’ which is my pick for the best comedy of the year, Pineapple Express holds its own. No wonders I prefer the stoner comedies about a bunch of losers over those rom-coms that Drew Barrymore and Kate Hudson seem to excel at, and we all get bored of, unless you are a girl. Coming back to Amber Heard, yes I’ve actually watched 3 movies she’s been a part of over the past week, Never Back Down and All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, both being teen movies. All the Boys Love Mandy Lane is one movie, that’ll throw up more questions than answers at the end, and quite a good slasher movie, sadly it suffered from poor marketing.  Though I won’t say it’s fabulous or a great movie, it still remains one of my favourites in the teen slasher genre. Like slashers/gore movies? Try the 80s hit Nightmare at Elm Street, another of my favourite horror-thrillers. Anything that has a lot of blood and guts, surely I would have watched! Especially if it involves zombies. Can’t wait to get my hands on the ‘Evil Dead’ trilogy. More on that once I watch all 3.

More on cricket, either it was boredom or it was the because there was nothing better to do, as most of you I too did watch India thrash England 4-0 in the series. Sadly, the only time most Indians are patriotic is when there’s a cricket match. Sad state of events indeed when all the hopes of the nation rest on a man barely my height, even if it’s the God in cricket gear, Sachin. Did anyone hear about the Indian navy shoot down a Somali pirate ship or about Chandrayaan? Our sense of national pride is severely low borderline null. By the way has anyone seen that Bharti (the Airtel guys) ad with the various famous Indians like Aryabhatta, Gandhi etc.? Trying to raise that patriotic vibe to make money but quite inspirational nonetheless.

As usual, I cannot stop talking football. Tonight, is almost D-Day for Real. A win can keep the Champions League dream alive for Real, even though the club is in a crisis with hardly any players to form a full squad. Atleast Barca dropped points last week, while Villareal lost and Valencia drew and Real are upto second. Big matches coming up with Sevilla, Zenit St Petersburg, and the mother of all football clashes Barca all in December. This is going to be a cold December, only if it was all the white of Real Madrid.

Finishing Line: For those of you ‘Friends’ fans, get a life. Let’s Hug it Out, Bitches!

The Great Indian Resignation drama

Life throws us challenge after challenge, and as normal people we deal with it. However, unlike the common man, his representatives seem not to be able to meet these head on. Only 2 weeks after another slew of resignations (actually threats to resign), now it’s the chance for the North Indians (why do we distinguish Indians into North, South, Keralite, Bihari?) to follow suit. Only, the whole gimmick had been played out by the cunning octogenarian KK (not our own Leader, but his bigger and better and more powerful version of the state that gave us Rajni movies and our neighbourhood low cost veggie place, ah yes the Ghee roasts, and I’m already drooling). While in both cases it was mostly to do with the whole issue of race or creed, which sadly is a dire turn of events. If after 60 odd years of independence, if our leaders are not ready to act as Indian leaders but rather as Biharis or Madrasis, how can the common man be expected not to follow the same.
However, in either case, the integrity of the whole exercise has to be questioned. For one, the next general elections are just months away, and by resigning the leaders do not stand to lose anything. However, what about the state exchequer? Earlier if it was in support of the Tamil cause in Sri Lanka (last time I checked Sri Lanka wasn’t a state in the Indian Union), now with the JDU it’s mostly a game on one-upmanship over Laloo’s party which was thinking along the same lines. The JDU is led by one Mr. George Fernandes (famous for the Army coffins scandal, and to a lesser extent as the ex-defense minister) from the BJP-led NDA. But by George, old man KK had already stole the limelight much earlier with his own party’s resignation game. Apparently the media were not as interested as the time around, and this should easily be forgotten. The elections are one of the costliest exercises conducted by the government, and foolishly (actually helplessly), the general populace take the strain for a day long wait to cast votes, because there are still some who actually holds a flicker of hope in Indian polity which for all reasons is a lost cause. Why else is the polling percentage only 60% (which again is from those who hold voter IDs, there are a considerable number of Indians who don’t, including yours truly). DMK’s pressure tactic was for India to intervene in the Tamil cause in Lanka, while our own country is simmering with jehadi terrorism. As old adage goes first, let’s try to set our own house in order before copying USA and extending our reach to our neighbours.
Talking of the US of A, they just elected their new president (if you’re reading it first here, then my friend you seriously have been living under a rock). Obama (which rhymes with Osama, Bush’s nemesis numero uno) becomes the first Black American president. The Americans squandered their best shot at having a Vice President who could grace Playboy’s centrefolds with panache. So a moment of silence to the memory of Sarah Palin as she once again fades to oblivion. Oh, and some old guy (white hair and all) was running for President alongside her. At the Chronicles, I don’t even care who won since there’s not going to be a VPilf. Ah, the potential she had (Osama would surely have made peace with the US if Palin was sent, now he’s going to have to re-write all his anti-Bush speeches). If you’re reading, Mr Hefner, do make an offer Palin can’t refuse.
After that slight distraction, yes, our entire political system sucks and there’s no 2 ways about it. The British say God save the Queen, we could all just save God Save India. Well, not the cricket team, but the rest of India anyways. As usual Sachin hit another century. If he hits another 20 more in total (which doesn’t seem too likely), he could have made a century of centuries.
News from my side, I’ve moved to Cochin and it’s good to be back. Is there something to write about? Drop a comment.

Writer’s Block

As most of those who actually take the time to read this (thank you all) are wondering, what is this phenomena they (who are they?) call, ‘writer’s block’? Either it’s my one-sided thinking or more of a case of beer mug half empty, I too like great writers before me (I’m not giving examples, either because there are too many to list or I don’t really have a clue). Now, in this millennium (actually I’ve just lived through 2, like any of you), where people like being lied to than the cold and hard truth, I do it my style. The first time I actually heard of such a thing would have been from a certain Malayalam star’s half hour movie, which was meant to fill the gap between 2 shows at a theatre. The protagonist (the star), plays a writer who loses focus and can’t write to save his life for some reason. However, the movie like the star bombed and all was forgotten. Moral of the story: The actual writer’s block was experienced by the script writer (who has penned some of the best Malayalam movies) of this dud, as told by the lackluster reception at the BO. We, Keralites claim (as does most of the literacy surveys) to be the smartest people around, but somehow, if you’re a teen or young adult, there would be so few of us watching the Malayalam movies. Now what does that tell about our writers and creative minds? Nothing, as in there’s nothing in their heads. So go out watch those Bollywood and Hollywood movies and not waste time/money on the useless junk they throw out at us in the name of entertainment. Meanwhile for those of you really into movies or really bored (like me) watch the British movie, Cashback, which is over an year old but nonetheless a decent watch.
And over to politics, could someone give one word that describes India’s polity. It should be a word that describes the Congress for being so anti-national, the BJP for being noisy and uselessly silly, the communists for assuming Indians to be dumber than Bush, and all those small parties that litter the parliament with the criminals and the liars that rule the nation. Yes, it’s election year, 2009. Do the right thing (don’t vote, not really ).
My pick for the song of the week would be Li’l Wayne with T-Pain and Mack Maine in the song Get Money. Also check out Tiesto’s latest iteration of the ‘In Search of Sunrise’ with the seventh release, the Armani Exchange Limited edition. Yes, it’s the same brand with the logo A|X, whose fake tees atleast a few of us have.
Before I end, a belated Diwali to all of us. Guess, my writer’s block has kicked in.

Meaningful Cinema

You know the world is still alright when Mammootty (Mammu as we all like to call him), tries to dance, wears ear studs and cargoes and acts like he’s 15. But he’s not. Pushing 60, the old man is a grandfather, and plays heroes to girls younger than his daughter. Well, some call that versatility, we call it sadomasochism (yes this too falls in that category), the sad pleasures of senile old men (wait, senile and old mean the same!). So that’s what best describes his role in Maaya Bazaar. For this grandpa, who moonlights as an actor (if Kamal Haasan is the thinking man’s actor, Mammu is the pretty much that of the masses who’s only literacy stems from being able to read though lacking any perceptible brain function, maybe due to lack of gray matter). People complain that there haven’t been meaningful movies coming out in Kerala. Try Kurukshetra, watch it at a theater near you (well if you’re living somewhere close to civilization, there would be a theater in you vicinity showing it). Already hailed by many (the thinking people) as the greatest military movie of all times, the movie is a must watch for anyone and everyone who can grasp Malayalam and Hindi. Mohanlal, the actor par excellence has done a phenomenal role and the movie is so deep-rooted in patriotism (we really need a lot of that), with shades of anti-Pak feelings in between. While partly fiction, the movie portrays India’s only proper military victory (which was during BJP rule). The other times, during the Congress government’s we usually ended up losing a bit of our soil. With scenic shots of Kashmir, and the best war scenes ever scene in Indian cinema, the movie has been captivating. If you consider yourself to be someone who watches movies even a bit, then this is definite must-watch. Usually I don’t go way overboard praising movies of such in my posts and rather just stick to dissing about random stuff, but this time, I’m actually being extra nice, though words can’t do justice in describing the brilliance of the movie.
Moving on, in my eyes, the worst movie Lal has acted in has to be Ram Gopal ki Aag, in which Big B had took out all the tricks in the book to be remembered as the worst actor ever. The only positive thing to come out of that movie was Lal’s performance. Now why am I talking of AB? There were days when AB was the best that Bollywood has to offer, before he turned producer, gambled away his fortunes with box-office duds, played Mammu by romancing girls a fraction of his age (Manisha Koirala and M Dixit) and became a shining reason, why people should retire with grace. Well the guy is sick, he’s caught a bout of who-knows-what. But the English and Hindi news channels are having a field day, celebrating his sickness and giving him undue publicity. His family is unofficially the first family of Indian cinema, just like the Gandhi family is the first family of politics. Why can’t Indians actually find the real heroes? Why do (well not me and a few others) have a unhealthy fixation for these ego-maniacs? For all I care Amitabh Bachan could die of a cold, but an Amitabh dead would be taken up as a national calamity (even the floods in Orissa and Bihar were not), hours of TV and tons of newsprint will be wasted for the purpose to go with those that were taken for all the small remarks that family has said. Get a life, media!
The last time I had a post, I did say something about the Indo-US Nuclear deal. Well the deal is officially a law, but barring the pesky communists everyone else is happy, terming it historic. If you woke up today morning and turned on the Kairali channels (2 Malayalam channels owned by one Chinese party), the news ticker would’ve read something like this, “Black day for India”. While at first, I couldn’t comprehend what they were meaning, once I got rid of the hangover of a pleasant sleep, the only thing I could do to stop laughing at the vacuousness of it all was the slice of bread that was breakfast. How low will the reds stoop? They’ve long since hit rock-bottom and found newer depths to obtuseness.
So, I was back again in the C of Kerala, Cochin, mostly to catch up with friends, but actually to watch a movie, which I’ve mentioned earlier, Kidnap. The movie was an utter waste of film reel, but somehow, many of us who saw it (yes, there were a lot) got most of what we wanted. Knowing a movie is crap, makes us lower the expectations about it and we later realize it isn’t as bad as initially thought. The entire movie was senseless, but the eye-candy, Minisha Lamba as the bimbo, made up for the lackluster script.
I’m really bored, aren’t I? What should I write about? The economy, the value of the rupee? or, just do a one-liner?
Astalavista baby…

Singh is King; well almost

The US Senate has apparently voted for the Indo-US Nuclear deal. The Congress cadres (well, mostly idiots with a feeling that Sonia is Gandhi’s heir) are rejoicing and it’s already been touted across the media as the UPA’s biggest achievement. Yeah, obviously it is. It is also the UPA’s only achievement, unless you count the number of bomb blasts that rock the country week in and week out, the latest being the one in Agartala (Tripura), carried out by the Bangladeshis. When will the UPA learn that they are not our friends? They breed like rats and send the worst of them across to our country to form the ’secular’ UPA’s vote bank. Where has this secular government taken us to? They watch in silence as the minorities are slaughtered across India, by playing to minority vote bank politics. The majority watches in silence, since according to the UPA, the majority doesn’t count. Coming back to the Nuclear deal, the communists are calling it India’s surrender to the Americans. However, we know how the communists are walking the talk for their Chinese masters in Beijing. Karat and Co. must be on par with the Afzal Gurus in terms of anti-nationalist tendencies. Just for the record, look at China’s growth in the last 15 years and that of West Bengal, or Kerala, the Communist states.How such a revolutionary ideology as that proposed by Marx can be vehemently twisted into an evil image of intolerance, only God can tell (wait a minute, the Communists proclaim there is no God). So, while the UPA finally has a feather to its thread-bare cap, the communists are running helter-skelter even going so far as to be ready to support some woman who’s only know by a single name. India, they say is intolerant to women, but we already have had two women Prime Ministers (remember again, that Singh is PM only on paper) and a woman President, and one lady PM-in-waiting in Mayawati. Yes, the nuclear deal is a significant victory for the country (the only one in 5 years, unless you count the Twenty20 world cup as another). Even the much revered Dr. Kalam agrees (Now who am I to refute that). Talking of Nuclear deals, which is key to energy-security, it’s the same thing you don’t have at God’s Own Country. Powercuts, load shedding and what not, that is the order of the day in the Red Kerala, but who’s listening!?

If I keep talking politics, it’ll probably be a slam dunk against the Congress and the Communists and everyone who says secular in a single breath. So let me go through what I was doing this last week.

As always I was mostly exercising my neck shifting between the telly and the PC. Desperate Housewives is back, Entourage is as cool as ever and Prison Break just doesn’t want to end. Oh, and yes Heroes is back too, but I’ve already forgotten the plot. Last Sunday, Valentino Rossi won his 6th premier class victory, 2 years after his last title, and what a race it was. Rossi’s must be one of the best sports comebacks ever (not exactly, he was 2nd for both years that he didn’t win). And yet again, Ferrari’s made mistakes and the first night race, was all but uneventful, but thankfully it wasn’t Hamilton on top. Real beat Racing (who held Barca) and also Zenit at St. Petersburg, Nistelrooy with the winner on both occasions. Ten Sports are still way too crappy to show all the good games and instead have an unhealthy fixation. Atleast ESPN Star does show the Liga games even though the commentary is as bad as most cricket commentary. In other sports news Dada is back (isn’t Dada, Hindi for grandfather?), and now we will have to go through 3 months of sporting hell, as the entire country is going to be struck with cricketmania.

Recently there has been a dearth of good action movies, and that’s when I picked up Death Race. This Jason Statham flick is actually quite cool, kind of a destruction derby with lots of blood and gore and enough swearing to keep it interesting. Also stars Tyrese Gibson (the number one reason why 2 Fast 2 Furious flopped). Talking of movies, it would be criminal not to bash Mammootty’s Maaya Bazaar (I have no sympathy for all the crack heads who piled up in huge numbers outside the theatre on release day). The movies apparently is so aweful, it made Thuruppugulan look like Oscar-material. Mammootty is an actor (or so they say) who’s claim to fame is bad dancing, static action, tear jerking performances (see, if you bought a ticket for his movie, you usually come out crying about your loss) and phenomenal whistling (which the viewers resort to, when faced with scenes of the old man cahorting with girls his daughter’s age, as in Balram v/s Taradas). Why tarnish my glorious blog by giving into the inanities that are those movies.

A movie I am actually looking forward to is Kidnap, well actually just because Minissha Lamba is acting in it, and a particular song sequence . Remember her, from the movie Bachna Ae Haseeno (the Ahista Ahista song, which was the only saving grace for the movie) or as the superhero female in Honeymoon Travels? Ok, guess I’m not crazy enought to watch the entire movie, so some one please upload just the interesting parts on YouTube (you know which one don’t you,  the one in the white 2-piece).

Coming down to music. There are still a lot of ABBA fans out there. Guess most of you must have heard Gimme Gimme Gimme by ABBA. But an even better rendition of the song was from the new movie Mamma Mia. Actually that’s like the 3rd version of the ABBA hit that I’ve listened to, including the A-Teens version. The best of the lot however has to be the Benassi mix of Shana Vanguarde’s Gimme Gimme Gimme.

What am I doing these days? Saying, nothing would be overstating the obvious. Till next time, ciao…

India, the Oscars and what not

Only around 5-6 months were people equivocally applauding Taare Zameen Par. However, I was fortunate enough not to watch it, as after seeing a few parts of the movie and knowing the story it was obviously supposed to be a tear-jerker. See, if I wanted to feel sad or sympathize, there are a lot of people I could think of. For example, another buck-tooth they call Ronaldinho. But I’m not the one to rest on the crap that the news channels throw at us. As it is Aamir Khan is not one of the better actors India has seen. However, the movies Lagaan and Dil Chahte Hai were path breaking in the Indian movie scene, and he’s burning in his own ego. He’s so covered in ego, even his mother can’t identify him (literally). So if TZP ends up winning the Oscar (which it will not), I have promised to take back my word and overdose on chocolate (if someone can send me enough). Here, the blog is a semi-critical look at the things that happen around us (specifically things that catch my attention/wrath). But credit is due, where it is deserved. Last year, India’s official Oscar entry was Ekalavya. Now we all know how bad that movie was. In the year 2007, if India didn’t have a better movie, then it’s such a sad reflection of our times. But the truth was, there were better movies, even in Malayalam, but obviously as always, the Hindiwallas up north don’t care. While we have actors with the calibre of Mohanlal (who’s like the best actor ever) or style-mannan Rajni (not so good an actor but a superb entertainer) or even Vijay (super dance and action) or Jagathy (no wonders people call his the Emperor of Comedy), the best they can throw up is the Bachan, whose second innings has been like the worst and longest come-back since, forever and Aamir ‘ego’ Khan, who makes like 1 movie an year and usually causes the producer’s bankruptcy (remember Mangal Pandey? by the way Mangal Pandey and I share the same birthday, not year!). For anyone who has seen Singh is Kinng, how could that movie have become a hit? But right now Akshay Kumar is too good, with the Midas touch. Coming back to Ekalavya, Bachan was bad, the story was pathetic and calling it boring would be a tad too mild. See if you could measure badness in a scale of 10, it would reach around 200, now that’s out of the world. While I try my best to sympathize with those who actually paid to watch it, my heart goes out to those who actually downloaded it, and that too on a dial-up! The movie also has Vidya Balan, who plays Shahid Kapur’s mother/aunt in Kismat Konnection (Ok, I didn’t see the movie, but it was evident from the trailers). Yes, and coming back to TZP (see it’s so hyped, they actually got an abbreviation for it), MTV’s spoof was much more realistic (yes seriously) and thought provoking.

What post of mine will be complete without taking a potshot at Barca/Man U!? Yes, Man U were extremely lucky, even with Ronaldo, to draw at Chelsea, while Barca believe they have peaked hitting Liga newcomers Gijon for 6 goals. But as always, this will be their best performance of this season. Remember, 2 years back they hit Athleti (with Torres) for 6 and played catch-up to Real the rest of the season? Real won at Racing, who had held Barca at Nou Camp, and el Sardinero is really quite a tough place (Real lost 2-0 last season, if I remember right, and Barca, well they didn’t have a good season anyways, so it doesn’t matter.)

And finally, my life’s back on track, because Prison Break and Entourage are back on air! And Desperate Housewives coming soon too. So, finally there’s something to look forward to on Mondays and Tuesdays! Now only if the cablewalla brought back ESPNStar. Wishful thinking?

Land of the Dead and Palin is a VPilf!

Yes, for those of you zombie movie fans like me, that’s the name of the George Romero zombie-flick. But at this time I’m referring to the scenes, the streets of Kerala witness on a regular basis. Even by modest media standards, there were 80 strikes in the last 6 months across Kerala. Since I’ve passed out of college and having being out of the country for 3 months, I couldn’t utilize these days of relaxation. But coming to think of it, there’s not much you can actually do, other than catch up on sleep or watch TV. For a state of lazy people however the strikes can’t come at a better time.

Moving on to better things in life, it’s actually raining fewer days than I anticipated, which is a good thing. The politicians keep making all the wrong news. Our much maligned government keeps making goof-ups one after another, which might be to hide deeper flaws. The Pakistanis (how we should really hate them and wipe them off the face of the earth) are doing all they can to destabilize India and the terrorists and SIMI (oh its the same thing) are carrying out attacks all over and now it was Delhi’s turn. However these are futile as we Indians somehow have the knack of not making a fuss out of this. The UPA and Singh (Is Singh really King?) This government has been the weakest we had since Independence (not even Gujral/Deve Gowda’s was this bad). From making bad governance a trademark to allying themselves with everyone and anyone, the Congress has long ago sold their soul to the devil (who might actually be an Italian, what do they call it there? Diablo?). While we all know that the UPA in general and the Congress in particular are a spineless bunch, but then who can blame them, if your leaders are Sonia, Narasimha Rao or Rajiv? For a guy who doesn’t even have voter’s ID, I can be pretty strong in my political views I guess. But the real interesting thing is the new might-be VP of US of the A. Yes, this Palin female is what they call a VPILF (remember milf from American Pie 2 and other sites you don’t want me to mention here?). I can’t recall any politician even close that amount of hotness in the Indian scene. For the world’s sake and for the sake of all the young men out there, the Americans should vote Palin (Ok, it’s actually some old guy name McCain who’s running for president, but who cares!) instead of Obama. So all hands for Sarah Palin, for US VP. Atleast the newspapers will have a better face to print than Obama!

Moving on to matters of higher importance, the Champions League is back on, Real have won their first match and Man U were held at home to a second string Villareal team. Man U had everyone except Ronaldo in the starting 11, and Villareal didn’t even have their goal machines Nihat Kahveci or Guisseppe Rossi on the bench, Santi Cazorla played only in the second half and Marcos Senna too remained out of action. So while, the reality is that United (now why do they call them United, when they can’t unite to form a string of passes leading to a goal?) actually were lucky with the draw for having to face a weakened Villareal side, the English press and the idiots they call commentators at Ten Sporst thought so otherwise. Let’s see how they fare at the madrigal, when they go visiting. Real were more than wasteful, just scoring 2 goals when evidently they could have scored half a dozen at the least. Arsenal were again lucky with an ill deserved draw, Chelsea were actually good, and Liverpool were mediocre to say the least. Now I’ve got to hit out at the cable guys for blatantly taking off ESPNStar off the air, meaning I couldn’t watch Liverpool humiliate Fergie’s boys or Real’s matches.

Back in Formula 1, Massa’s just one point off Hamilton while the Iceman isn’t so cool any more. But Sebastian Vettel has proved to be a new star and hopefully he will be good enough to be on a Scuderia Ferrari soon, but again my cable guy ruined it by taking off ESPNStar. However, there was MotoGP on Ten Sports and Rossi won again on his way to this year’s title and it seems Casey Stoner maybe out for the season.

It seems, India still has a cricket team, and Australia are touring India and not Pakistan. The Pakistanis are furious, but seriously, who can beat the lure of the Indian cricketing cash. For all their mediocrity, Indians are dumb enough to still support the team and make sure that BCCI coffers are overflowing while football remains a fringe sport (and you don’t need me to tell you how boring and useless a sport cricket is). Sreesanth’s not in the team much to the delight of Keralites and dismay of Australians. Ganguly too doesn’t make the cut.Pakis quit whining, clean up your country (Oh, wait’s its where they dump all the terrorists).

I can’t but come back to politics and criticizing the UPA, the communists and everyone else before ending this. The Communists are know for their anti-development initiatives and the so called anti-capitalist stand. But did you know they have built a theme park in Kannur? The theme is obviously “The Sickle and the Hammer” and instead of water for the water rides, they are going in for blood, which freely flows across Kannur. Now, in a state that apparently faces power and water shortages, it’s somehow sad to say that no one’s actually standing up for this unneeded luxury. Who will stand up for the rights of the poor? It’s not a secret that the CPM is the richest entity in a poor state, where farmer suicides are more a statistic than news. While states around revel in energy surplus (Tamil Nadu for instance) or reap the benefits of IT boom (Karnataka, AP), the only people actually having it better in God’s Own Country swear by the colour of red. But they too have their achievements, including the admirable ability to paralize the state with their strikes and generally destroy industries at will. Only 5 years ago, we were talking of BMW cars rolling out from factories in Kerala. While we dreamt Tamil Nadu worked, and the only BMWs rolling are coming across the border. Petrol costs Rs 52.50 in Kerala and Rs 60 in Chennai and the minimum bus charges are Rs 4 and Rs 1.50 respectively. We complain about inflation, and high costs of living, but do they really care? With all the corruption the Congress are blamed of and their blatant flirting with the so called minorities, they have not stooped to the levels that the China-men have. Karat and Co. are more for the fall of the nation and the rise of China than speaking for India and Indians. What we first need are more Indians and less Chinese, but who’s listening? While the UPA has successfully signed the Civilian nuclear deal, the Communists are fuming because somehow they think it’s not good for China. In fact, in many cases they rather that China gain at the behest of India’s loss. When will the country realize that China and Pakistan can never be our friends? Again coming back to the state (of anarchy), there’s apparently a new international airport coming up at Kannur, again a Communist initiative. Obviously it’s going to be a hub for flights too and from China and the runways are to be painted red as are the airport buildings. But when it comes to Kerala, the alternatives are even worse. Come on, no one wants the Congress any more than the Communists. And if Muslim League is a party in power, SIMI needn’t look further than the Malabar for potential bombers. Where is Ram Rajya? Where is the BJP? Will the Real Indian please stand up?

Finally it’s upon us : The Champions League

The draw for the Champions League was held tonight, which I missed for some lame dinner at Jeans Grill. So if you are actually a football fan and have a club, you would already know who’s in your teams group. Real are in Group H. Alongside Juventus we will also be facing Zenit St. Petersburg and BATE Borisov (now it sounds like bait). This group is looks tricky and if memory serves right Real have been Juventus to win the Champions League in ‘97. Zenit meanwhile are the current UEFA cup champions and everyone must know Andrei Arshavin from that team. Juventus (the Old Lady as they are called) are one of the more fashionable clubs from Italy (in terms of fans they are the biggest, not either of the Milan teams), and they have Gigi Buffon. So it’s a clash of the world’s best goalkeepers (which Casillas has won in their last meeting Spain v/s Italy). Also they have Amauri and Trezguet, two lethal hitmen. However Real have Raul and Ruud who are the Champions League’s top and thid most scorers respectively and share over 100 CL goals between them and 4 CLs too. So that is a match to be watched. Unless any upsets happen Real and Juve must go through, but Zenit can be a exceptional on their day and most teams wouldn’t want to trek across Europe to cold Russia for the away matches. BATE seems the bait here, facing Real at Bernabeu for their CL initiation on Matchday 1.

Let’s look at the other top teams’ rivals. Barca as usual actual get an easy group and sure qualification, with only Sporting Lisbon (last night Real scored 5 in the first half against Sporting) the in their way. Mancunians can be happy getting Celtic, with Villareal the only decent team in their group. Liverpool have to it all to do with PSV Eindhoven and Marseille. Athletico Madrid against Liverpool will be after the Real-Juve tie, the most intriguing clashes from the group stages. Torres against his old club and ofcourse how will ‘El Kun’ Aguero fare against an ‘almost Spanish’ EPL team will be the big question. Chelsea get Roma in an otherwise easy group. Bayern Munich, Fiorentina and Lyon are the big players in group F and no bets on who gets through to the knock out stages. Inter and Arsenal are on easy groups with their only competition being Werder (the team Diego plays in) and Porto respectively. All in all this years Champions League seems to be set right with some fancy face-offs while some really having their routes all clear, including top seeds Manchester, Chelsea and Barcelona. Real, Liverpool and Juventus have it all to play for.

Now what do you think? Will this be 10th time for Real. Or, will Liverpool make it number 6, or risk elimination in the first round?

New Season!

Robben in the new away Kit

Yes, the new football season is upon us. A certain Ronaldo is still going to terrorize weak English defenders and set afire an otherwise dull league, while ‘baby-face’ Robinho seems set to actually bring some class into a boring Chelsea team. Madrid actually fought back with 9 man to maul Valencia 4-2 to win the Super Cup 6-5 on aggregate. And yes, that was the team’s official presentation at the Bernabeu. Last season, I had bought pictures pilfered from the net, that showed a cool new Real Madrid jersey but the design ended up being used only by the goalkeepers, while the team stuck with the ever white scheme with a touch of purple (after all purple is the color of Royals and Real in Spanish is royal), which as any ardent fan I shelled out close to Rs 3000 to buy one at the fag end of last season from some Adidas shop at Bangalore. However this year the jersey is better, with an actual collar and the purple replaced by black. The away jersey however is off the hook, in a cool electric blue with white stripes unlike last seasons all black with gold. I will be accepting donations to my  “Buy the new Real Madrid jersey Fund” even from Barca fans. Here’s the picture Adidas unveiled of the new kit with the tag in Spanish “With pure soccer in heart, white blood in my veins, congratulate the champions”. Still scouring the net for that official poster of Robben in the blue away kit. Can’t say where I read it but it does seem there are quite a lot of Real fans from other sports, Usain Bolt only the latest. As I had been saying several times, Rafa Nadal is a fan (you couldn’t have missed him in stands for the last game of the 06/07 season) but apparently so is Roger Federer (finally I have one thing less against FedEx). Most of Spain’s other celebs including the uber-hot Penelope Cruz and Desperado Antonio Banderas as well as Julio Iglesias (yes, he’s Enrique’s dad and one of the most sold singers of all times) are fans, and so is one guy I actually despise, in Fernando Alonso. Before leaving football aside, this is just for Chelsea fans, the ‘glass man’ Robben really cut it through the Valencian defense running circles around them. Either it’s the adrenaline or the news of Robinho’s imminent departure for the lure of the English pound. Late this night Wisla Krakow (some little Ukrainian team) beat FC Barcelona in Champions League, but sadly Barca still go on to the next round. Can’t wait for the Liga to start this weekend, as more boring leagues including the EPL have already had 2 weeks of games done and dusted.

Yes, the US Open is finally upon us and the Chronicles obviously roots for Rafa and Ana. Is Sania even playing? While the Sania mania is apparently on the decline, she’s still here and there abouts. The Indian cricket team has actually won a match properly in Sri Lanka and another was washed out. One victory more and the press will be going over the glorious performance the boys showed in Sri Lanka. While Massa’s misery in Hungary became Raikkonen’s in Valencia as Massa beat Hamilton in the European Grand Prix. As usual, “the doctor” Rossi is atop the MotoGP standings.

In the music front, try listening to Nelly, Akon and Ashanti in the song “Body on Me” as well as the Game’s album LAX (does that stand for the LA airport?).

I’ve recently started using tinypic to host my pictures, as you can see if you click on the ones from my recent posts as wordpress takes too much time to upload the images as well as having size caps. Leaving you with a poster for the new Real kit.

The Adidas ad for the new kit.

Keep ‘em comments flowing.